I was going to post this long ass diatribe about being frustrated and job searching and all the things that come with that, and I stopped myself with the thought, what if someone sees it that you know professionally? You don't want to make a negative presentation, it could cost you a potentional job. I thought about it for a bit and then thought, actually, maybe I do. Maybe it's time I started weeding out the bull shit and look for places that fit me, instead of places I can make myself adaptable to. Also, I'm stuffy from allergies and grumpy from life. If you feel yourself in my words, that's something you need to look at in yourself.
It is not a character flaw to feel emotions. This notion that human beings should feel no emotions when they're working is nonsense. It is not a growth opportunity to lead a team from a place of kindness. It is possible to hold people accountable, be metrics focused, develop team members through their own growth opportunities, and still lead with love. I have almost exclusively worked in industries where I deal with people when they are at their absolute worst. They're sick, they're hurt, they're angry, they're scared. The fact that I have spent over 20 years dealing with people in that capacity and I'm still kind, positive, and caring is a testament to my abilities and strengths. I don't have to fake it, it's just who I am.
I strongly believe that what feels like a fruitless job search will turn into the right opportunity for me. I believe that I will look back at this season in the next few years and be grateful for the journey. I will not sacrifice my beliefs and knowledge and pretend to be some kind of hard ass to work my way into an opportunity. That probably means dealing with more rejections and closed doors, but I'll just add that to my list of things that make me who I am. At some point, this antiquated notion of needing to be a bitch to be a boss will die. And I will dance on its grave.
